Patrick Jemmer: Mae Ffred yn Sgriblan / Ffred’s Scribbling

Yn Ffurfiol/Patrick Jemmer

Wel, helo Bawb! Wi di bod yn brysur iawn yn ddiweddar. Newydd gwpla cwrs Graenus ar-lein bendigedig gyda Phrifysgol Abertawe dw i, yn ogystal â’r cwrs Gloywi wedi’i ddarparu gan Brifysgol Aberystwyth ar-lein drwy’r wefan o’r enw “Y Bont.” Dros y Pasg wi di bod ati unwaith eto yn y Brifysgol, y tro hwn yn neud cwrs Hyfedredd. O, Jiw Jiw, mae wedi bod yn wych! Licwn i hala “diolch” enfawr i’n tiwtor ni, Dafydd Roberts, oedd yn ardderchog, ac i’r ffrindiau newydd oedd yn cymryd rhan. Sa i di cael cymaint o hwyl ers achau, a heb raid dweud, fe ddysgon ni i gyd lawer o bethau! O sgwrsio ag un o ‘nghyd-ddysgwyr, fydd yn neud yr arholiad uwch yn fuan, penderfynais i ddweud helo wrth Ffred Phantastig, i weld beth mae wedi bod yn neud. Wel, fel mae’n digwydd, mae wedi bod yn ysgrifennu llawer o lythyrau, ac adroddiad am ddrama hefyd, yn enwedig fel roedd rhaid i fi neud yn yr arholiad flwyddyn yn ôl. Felly, dyma dipyn bach o Ffred yn sgriblan i chi. Cadwch lygad barcut ar yr iaith — mae’n ceisio bod yn eitha ffurfiol / llythrennol mewn mannau! Olreit, te, gwbois –Hwyl am y tro — ac fel arfer, diolch i Lowri, Chris, a phawb ym Mhrifysgol Abertawe am drefnu popeth mor wych, ac i Neil yma ar Parallel.Cymru am y siawns i rannu gyda chi!

Wel, helo Everyone! I’ve been very busy recently. I’ve just finished a superb Finishing [“Graenus”] online course with Swansea University, as well as the Polishing [“Gloywi”] course provided online by Aberystwyth University on the website called “Y Bont.” Over Easter I’ve been at it once again in the University, this time doing a Proficiency [“Hyfedredd”] course. O, dear me, it’s been great! I’d like to send a huge “thanks” to our tutor Dafydd Roberts, who was excellent, and to the new friends who were taking part. I haven’t had so much fun for ages, and needless to say, we all learned a lot of stuff! After talking to one of my fellow learners, who’ll be doing the Advanced exam soon, I decided to say hello to Ffred Phantastig, to see what he’s been doing. Well, as it happens, he’s been writing lots of letters, and a report on a play as well, as I had to do in the exam a year ago. So, here’s a bit of Ffred scribbling away for you. Keep an eagle eye on the language — he’s trying to be quite formal / literary in places. OK then, y’all — Cheers for the time being — and, as usual, thanks to Lowri, Chris, and everyone in Swansea University for organising everything so well, and to Neil here on Parallel.Cymru for the chance to share with you!

HUD THEATRIG: Helo Bawb! Ffred sy ‘ma, yn gofyn ‘Ai hon yw dagr a welaf o’m blaen i?’ Y mis ‘ma licwn i gyflwyno i chi adolygiad o ddrama yr es i i’w gwylio ddoe yn Neuadd Dref Aber-gennin. A bod yn onest, y gwir reswm y mynychais i’r digwyddiad oedd achos bod Ethelwen, nith fach fy lojer (sy’n un ar bymtheg oed) yn chwarae rhan bwysig, ond rhaid i fi ddweud, er gwaethaf hynny, y mwynheais i fy hunan yn fawr iawn. Cafodd y ddrama o’r enw ‘Em ac Ec Beth?’ ei hysgrifennu gan y dramodydd o Almaenwr Wilhelm Cynhyrfwr-waywffon, rwy’n credu (maen nhw’n lico gwneud cyfansoddeiriau yn yr Almaeneg).THEATRICAL MAGIC: Hiya All! Ffred here, asking ‘Is this a dagger I see before me?’ This month I’d like to present you with a review of a play I went to see Aber-gennnin Town Hall. To be honest, the real reason I attended the event was because Ethelwen, my lodger’s little niece (who’s 16 years old) was playing an important part, but I have to say, despite that, I enjoyed myself very much. The play, called ‘M and C Who?’ was written by the German playwright Wilhelm Cynhyrfwr-waywffon, I believe (they do like to make compound words in German).
Mae’n cael ei lleoli yn yr Alban yn yr hen ddyddiau, ac yn cynnwys llawer o wleidyddiaeth hanesyddol a phethau gwael fel brenhinoedd sy’n cysgu drwy’r amser, a llofruddiaeth. Cyffrous iawn ydy’n wir, ond pam y sgrifennai dramodydd o Almaenwr am bethau a ddigwyddodd yn yr Alban ganrifoedd yn ôl sy’n achosi penbleth i fi. Rwy’n dwlu ar yr hanes arswyd am ysbrydion sy'n gweini ar feddyliau meidrolion, tra'u llanwant o’r corun i’r sawdl â chreulondeb enbytaf, gan dewychu’u gwaed! Rhyfedd o berthnasol i’r sefyllfa yn y wlad hon o Brydain heddiw ydy, heb os, hefyd! Creda i fod yr Albanwyr eisiau cipio grym yn y Deyrnas Unedig, gyda help tywysogion Cymdeithas Fasnach Rydd Ewrop, gan ddefnyddio technoleg fel peiriannau mwg a drychau hudol. Naeth y nith berfformio’n eithriadol o dda, gan sgrechian a llefain a rhuthro lan a lawr, wedi’i gwisgo mewn rhyw fath o len, ychydig yn debyg i ysbryd neu i wrach. ‘Y Frenhines Teras Mai’ oedd enw ei chymeriad (yr ‘Em’ yn y teitl), ac ‘Y Tywysog Bors ap Siôn’ oedd ei chariad, a cheisiai fe ei lladd hithau yn y pendraw. Ac ro’n nhw ill dau eisiau lladd eu gelyn gwaetha, ‘Yr Arglwydd Ieramheel Corbin’ (yr ‘Ec’ yw hon).It’s set in Scotland in the old days, and contains lots of historical politics and awful things like kings who are asleep all the time, and murder. It’s definitely very exciting, but why a German dramatist would write about things that happened in Scotland centuries ago is causing me a headache. I love the horrible story about spirits that tend on mortals’ thoughts, filling them from the crown to the toe top-full of direst cruelty, whilst thickening the blood. It’s also strangely relevant to the situation in this land of Britain today, without a doubt! I believe that the Scots want to seize power in the UK, with the help of the European Free Trade Association, using technology like smoke machines and magic mirrors. The niece performed exceptionally well, shouting and weeping and rucking up and down, wearing some kind of sheet, a bit like a ghost or a witch. ‘Queen May’ was the name of her character (the ‘M’ in the title), and ‘Boris John’s-son’ was her lover, and he tried to kill her in the end. And the two of them wanted to kill their worst enemy, ‘Lord Jeremiah Corbyn’ (that’s the ‘C’).
A bod yn onest, lladdodd y nith fach ei hun, a phob copa walltog gaeth ei ladd hefyd mae’n ymddangos. Wedi’r cwbl, ‘Efe gaiff waed; ebe hwynt, Gwaed a geith waed,’ fel y dywed y dyfyniad ar y posteri. Ond roedd un peth yn anodd i fi. Mae’r cyfieithiad i’r Gymraeg gan lanc rhyfeddol o Groatia, o’r enw Dai Baxter i fod i fod yn ardderchog (enw od arno ta be, on’d ife?). Serch hynny, ddeallwn i’m y rhan fwyaf o beth roedd yr actorion yn ei ddweud – efallai bod nhw’n siarad yr Albaneg neu’r Almaeneg – er bod yr iaith yn swnio fel y Rwsieg, neu rywbeth. Rhyw fath o rwtsh, ta be. Wedi dweud hynny, roedd yn eithriadol o ddiwylliannol, gyda’r holl fabanod mewn crochanau, a choedwigoedd yn cerdded, o a’r gwaed i gyd mor goch â chetshyp tomato! ‘A'r coed a ddifethodd fwy o'r bobl nag a ddifethodd y cleddyf y diwrnod hwnnw’ – mae’r Beibl ‘na yn gywir am hynny.To be honest, the little niece killed herself, and every last one of ‘em got killed too it appears. After all, ‘Blood will have blood, they say, Blood will have blood,’ as the quotation declares on the posters. But one thing was hard for me. The translation into Welsh by the strange lad from Croatia, named Dai Baxter is supposed to be excellent (odd name he’s got though, hasn’t he?). Despite that I didn’t understand the majority of what the actors were saying – perhaps they were speaking Scottish or German – although the language sounded like Russian, or somesuch. Some kind of rubbish, in any case. Having said that, it was exceptionally cultural, with all the babies in cauldrons, and walking forests, and all the blood, as red as tomato ketchup! ‘And the trees destroyed more of the people that the sword destroyed that say’ – that there Bible’s right about that.
Beth, yn wir, oedd yn digwydd? Beth a wn i? Serch ny roedd yn brofiad bythgofiadwy. Bydd y cwmni (‘Y Chwaraewyr Chwit-chwat’) yn hercian o gwmpas trefi De Cymru dros y gaeaf i ddod â mawredd diwylliant i’r werin bobl yn ystod y tymor mwyaf creulon hwn, sy’n codi lelocs yn y pridd mar’, gan ddrysu cofion â chwant. Dylech chi fynd i weld y sioe ddisglair hon yn bendant. Gair i gall – mae mwy na digon o waed yn llifo fel afon lithrog, ludiog drwy’r perfformiad o ddechrau i ddiwedd. Mae na dipyn bach o fwdw hefyd yn ogystal â dogn o iaith fras fel y gwn i. Byddwch yn ofalus os nad ydych yn hoff iawn o gyfresi treisgar yn debyg i ‘Rownd a Rownd’ ar y teledu (Ww, mae’n gwneud i fi grynu bob tro!)!What, in fact, was happening? What do I know? Despite that it was an unforgettable experience. The company (‘The Fickle Fol-de-Rols’ [as they call themselves to the uninitiated]) will be dragging themselves around the towns of South Wales across the winter to bring the wonder of culture to the common people during this cruellest season, which grows lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire. You should go the see this dazzling show, definitely. A word to the wise – there’s more than enough blood flowing like a slippery, sticky river through this performance from start to finish. There’s a bit of voodoo too, as well as a dollop of bad language, as far as I know. Be careful if you’re not too fond of violent series like ‘Rownd a Rownd’ on the telly (Ooh, it makes me quiver very time!).
DADFLOCIO FY MHIBELLAU: O, gan bwyll nawr, yn hen gymrodyr, yr oedd helbul a helynt yn Ein Tŷ Ni’n ddiweddar gyda’r plymwaith. Nage dyn i gwyno am ddim byd ydw i, ond ar y llaw arall, rwy wastad eisiau diolchi’n wresog i bobl am wasanaeth da. Felly dyma i chi gopi o’r llythyr a anfonais i fynegi pa mor ddiolchgar o’n i pan ges i fy achub rhag tynged waeth na marwolaeth —UNBLOCKING MY PIPES: Oh, steady on now, me old mates, there was trouble and strife in Our ‘Ouse recently with the plumbing. Not that I’m man to complain about anything, but, on the other hand, I always want to give warm thanks to people for good service. So, here you have a copy of the letter I sent to express how thankful I was when I was saved from a fate worse than death —
‘Twym fel Tostyn’ Gwasanaethau Gwres: Annwyl Cyfarwyddwr y Cwmni! Yn ffodus iawn, yr oedd angen arnaf alw ar eich cwmni am ymgeledd a chymorth yr wythnos diwethaf pan gefais broblemau ofnadwy gyda’r gwres canolog yn fy mwthyn pitw, a bu bron i mi rewi i farwolaeth yn fy ngharafán lle rwy wedi bod yn byw y tu ôl i’r tŷ dros y gaeaf oherwydd stŵr gyda’r lletywraig. Syrthiaswn i gysgu tra perfformiai ei nith fach mewn drama, ond problem arall yw honno.‘Warn as Toast’ Heating Services: Dear Company Director! Unfortunately I had need of calling upon your company for succour and support last week when I experienced awful problems with the central heating in my tiny cottage, and I almost froze to death in my caravan where I have been living behind the house over the winter due to ructions with my lady lodger. I had fallen asleep while her niece was performing in a play, but that’s a different problem.
Mae eich hysbysebion (fe’u gwelaswn ar yr arwyddfwrdd yn Nhesbyro) yn honni mai ‘nyni yw’r mwyaf proffesiynol yn y busnes’ ac mewn gwirionedd, o ganlyniad i’m profiad, dywedwn mai hollol gywir yw’r gosodiad hunananghymeradwyol hwn. Felly, teimlaf fod rhaid imi ysgrifennu atoch er mwyn eich llongyfarch am safon eich gwasanaeth, sydd yn eithriadol o dda. Gyda llaw, nid oes golwg ohonoch yn yr hen archfarchnad ffiaidd o’r enw ‘Uwch-siopau,’ a dylai yna fod, yn bendifaddau.Your advertisements (they are to be seen on the noticeboards in Tesbyro) claim that ‘We are the most professional in the business’ and in truth, as a result of my experience, I would say that this self-deprecating statement is totally true. Thus, I feel that I need to write to you in order to congratulate you for the standard of your service, which is exceptionally good. By the way, there no sign of them in the horrid supermarket named ‘Super-shops,’ and there should be, indubitably.
O’r tro cyntaf pan wnes i’r alwad ffôn i ofyn am gymorth, cyrhaeddai eich staff bob amser yn brydlon. Wel, gorau po gyntaf, meddant, ac rwy’n cytuno’n llwyr yn yr achos hwn! Ar ben hynny, roeddent yn amyneddgar pan oeddwn yn holi iddynt ar hir broses beth oedd yn digwydd. Roeddent ymhellach yn paratoi potiau o de ar fy nghyfer, er nad ydwyf yn yfed y fath hylif drewdod; te mate yw fy hoff ddiod. Eto i gyd, siriol oedd pob un o’r chwe llanc, hyd yn oed pan na fwytwn y sleisys enfawr o deisen y cynigient mor rheolaidd â deial, ychwaith. Er, o feddwl amdani’n ddwys, ryw’n credu bod chwe phobl yn ormodol, cofiwch chi!From the first time I made the phone call to ask for help, your staff arrived punctually on every occasion. Well, the sooner the better, they say, and I totally agree in this case! On top of that, they were patient when I was asking at length what was happening. Furthermore they prepared pots of tea for me, although I do not drink such stinking brew; maté tea is my favourite beverage. Then again, every one of the six lads was cheerful, even when I would not eat the enormous slices of cake they offered me as regular as clockwork, either. Although, thinking about it, I think six people is excessive, mind you!
Yr oedd ansawdd y gwaith ei hun yn rhagorol hefyd, achos bod y lle yn dechrau teimlo cyn dwymed â’r Sahara ar ôl iddynt adael am y trydydd tro, heb sôn am y ffaith bod eich prisiau’n rhesymol dros ben, wedi rhoi cyfrif am yr holl flychau drudfawr o de Tibetaidd, a’r gacen hufen o fforest law'r Amason. Dyna pam ryw’n mynnu ar dalu’n llawn ac yn ychwanegu cildwrn sylweddol. Rydych yn cynnig gwasanaeth heb ei ail, felly byddaf yn cysylltu â chi eto, a dywedaf wrth fy lletywraig am wneud yn union yr un peth os byddaf yn ei gweld yn fuan. Daliwch ati: marchogion ar feirch gwynion ydych! Dymunwn eich canmol i’r cymylau a’r tu hwnt. Yn eiddoch yn gywir, Mr Ff Phantastig.The standard of the work itself was excellent also, because the place began to feel as warm as the Sahara after they left for the third time, not to mention the fact that your prices are exceedingly reasonable, after taking into account all the costly boxes of Tibetan tea, and the Amazonian gateau. That’s why I am insisting on paying in full and adding a substantial tip. You offer second-to-none service, so I shall be contacting you again, and I shall tell my lady lodger to do the exactly the same thing if I see her soon. Keep up the good work: you are knights in shining armour! I would like to give you the highest praise, and more. Yours faithfully, Mr Ff Phantastig.
CEFNOGWCH EICH CYMUNED LEOL! Mae pethau’n mynd o ddrwg i wael ym Mrynfelin ein cymuned hyfryd ni, ar hyn o bryd am fod cwmni o’r enw ‘Uwch-siopau’ eisiau agor archfarchnad enfawr yng nghanol y dref y flwyddyn nesaf. Fe sylweddola pawb eu bod nhw wedi gwneud yn union yr un peth o’r blaen yn y dinasoedd o gwmpas yr ardal, gan achosi i’r rhan fwyaf o werthwyr a chynhyrchwyr lleol golli eu swyddi. Maen nhw’n honni eu bod nhw’n hybu’r economi ac yn creu cyfoeth, ond fel y gwyddoch chi, celwydd noeth yw hyn mewn gwirionedd, a dim ond malu cachu y maent. A beth am Tesbyro? Dyna eisoes y lle lleia drwg i siopa ynddo, fe ddyweda i?SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL COMMUNITY! Things are going from bad to worse in our lovely community of Brynfelin right now, as a company called ‘Super-shops’ wants to open an enormous supermarket in the middle of the town next year. Everyone realises that they’ve done exactly the same thing before in the cities around the area, causing most of the local sellers and producers to lose their jobs. They allege that they’re stimulating the economy and creating wealth, but as you know, this is a barefaced lie in truth, and they’re just talking shit. And what about Tesbyro? That’s already the least bad place to shop in, say I.
Wedi dweud hynny, mae ysgol newydd, tri chant o dai, tafarn a sinema wedi’u creu ger yr adeiladau newydd sbon yn Aber-gennin yn ddiweddar, ond ni allaf ddweud o ganlyniad i beth mae hyn wedi digwydd mor sydyn. Y peth nesaf fydd i’w weld yma yw fod llefaryddion y cwmni’n bwriadu dod lan o Gaerdydd i gwrdd ag aelodau’r cyhoedd yn ein tref fach bert, er mwyn i ni ‘ddod o hyd i fwy o wybodaeth’ am y sefyllfa ofnadwy sy’n prysur ddatblygu. Ddim gwybodaeth sydd ei heisiau yma, ond weithredu uniongyrchol. Os nad chi, pwy; os nad yn awr, pryd?Having said that, a new school, three hundred houses, a pub and a school have been created near the brand-new buildings in Aber-gennin recently, but I can’t say as a result of what this has happened so suddenly. The next thing that will be seen here is that spokespersons of the company are intending to come up from Cardiff to meet members of the public in our pretty little town, so that we can ‘find out more information’ am the awful situation that’s quickly developing. It’s not information that’s needed here, but direct action. If not you then who; if not now then when?
Byddwch chi’n siŵr o fod yno, yn Neuadd y Dref, ddydd Sul, 1af Ebrill am 9 o’r gloch y bore i fynegi eich gwrthwynebiaeth i’r cynllun gwael hwn. Defnyddiwch eich llais neu collwch eich hunan-barch! Os na fyddwch yn gwneud dim byd, fe fyddwn ni i gyd yn dioddef yn enbyd yn y dyfodol. Fi a ddylai wybod – dw i fy hunan eisoes wedi colli llawer o fusnes yn gwerthu hufen harddwch y tu mas i Tesbyro. Wi’n credu taw un o’r cynhyrfwr dros Uwch-siopau a hysbysodd yr heddlu ynghylch fy menter fach – yr hen gythraul. Gadwech i ni sefyll ynghyd -- mewn undeb y mae nerth!Be sure to be there, in the Town Hall, Sunday 1st April at 9am to express your opposition to this horrible plan. Use your voice or lose your self-respect! If you don’t do anything, we’ll all suffer terribly in the future. I should know – I myself have already lost lots of business selling beauty cream outside Tesbyro. I believe that it’s one of the Super-shops agitators who told the police about my little venture – the old devil. Let us stand together – in unity lies strength!
NEWYDDION CYFFROUS AM ŴYL GWIR A GOLAU: Fel y gŵyr pawb, am fy mhechodau rwy’n trefnu popeth ar gyfer yr ŵyl hon. Rydym ni ill dau ar y pwyllgor wedi dewis Dic Warthwr i fod ein siaradwr gwadd. Ro’n ni ‘n arfer bod yn yr un dosbarth gyda’n gilydd pan o’n ni’n gryts nes iddo fe gael ei fwrw mas am ei fod yn dwyn afalau oddi ar yr athrawes. Er eich gwybodaeth, dyma fi’n anfon gair i’r hen gonan sy ddim yn werth pris y stamp a bod yn onest, ond dyna ni, roedd Enwen yn ddi-ildio –EXCITING NEWS ABOUT THE FESTIVAL OF TRUTH AND LIGHT: As everyone knows, for my sins I’m organising everything for this festival. The two of us on the committee have chosen Dic Werthwr to be our invited speaker. We used to be in the same class as each other when we were kids until he got thrown out because he was stealing apples from the lady teacher. For your information, here am I, having a word with the old bugger who’s not worth the price of the stamp to be honest, but there we are, Enwen was adamant —
Annwyl Syr Dic, Dr Phantastig yw f’enw. Rwy’n byw ym Maes-y-tywod, hynny yw, ardal fwyaf dymunol Brynfelin, a chadeirydd grŵp bach trafod o’r enw ‘Y Rhan-amserwyr’ ydwyf ar hyn o bryd. Yn gyntaf oll, a allaf eich llongyfarch ar gael eich ethol i’r cyngor plwyf – trwy deg neu drwy hagr – unwaith eto, o drwch blewyn y tro hwn wrth gwrs! Ond eto i gyd, gwell y drwg a wyddys na'r drwg na wyddys, fel y medd yr athronwyr! Nid unigolyn drwg ydych chi, mae angen arnaf ddweud. Wel, rydym yn dathlu eleni hefyd, achos mai ein pen-blwydd yn ddeugain mlwydd oed ydy, ac felly byddwn yn trefnu llawer o ddigwyddiadau drwy’r dref fydd yn llawn o faneri, fflagiau, a rhubanau. Dear Sir Dic, Dr Ffantastig is my name. I live in Sandy-fields, that is, that most desirable area of Brynfelin, and I am chairperson of a small discussion group called ‘The Part-timers’ at the moment. First of all, can I congratulate you on being elected to the parish council – by fair means or foul – once again, by a hair’s breadth this time of course! But then again, better the devil you know that the one you don’t know, as the philosophers say! Not that you are a bad person, I have to say. Well, we are celebrating this year too, as it is out fortieth anniversary, and therefore we will be organizing a lot of events throughout the town, which will be full of banners, flags, and ribbons.
Bydd un o’r achlysuron arbennig yn barti yn y bar Awstralaidd o’r enw ‘Y Walabi Ewn,’ Ddydd Rhyngwladol Gwir a Golau, 29ain Chwefror, yn dechrau am 3 o’r gloch y prynhawn – caiff pawb ddigon o amser i ymlawenhau felly, gadewch inni ddweud. Byddem wrth ein boddau ped ymunech â ni er mwyn mwynhau gwydraid o win coch a brechdan gaws, a chynnig llwncdestun i’r meirwon craff i gyd. Gwn ichi fynd i’r ‘fan arall,’ sef i Brifysgol Rhydrawnt, tra mynychwn minnau Goleg Polytechnig Pontychen. Ond er gwaethaf y ffaith ichi astudio cwrs ôl-fodern a enwir yn ‘Egwyddorion Ymarfer’ (heb raid graddio) efallai yr areithiech am ychydig funudau (hyd at ddwy awr y gwnâi’r tro) ar bwysigrwydd addysg foesol mewn cymdeithas gyfoes.One of the special occasions will be a party in the Australian bar called ‘The Cheeky Wallaby,’ on the International Day of Truth and Light, February 29th, starting at 3pm – so everyone will have enough time to get jolly, let us say. We would be in our element if you could join us in order to enjoy a glass of red wine and a cheese sandwich, and offer a toast to all the discerning departed. I know that you went to the ‘other place,’ namely to Camford University, whilst I attended Oxbridge Polytechnic College. But despite the fact that you studied a post-modern course named ‘Principles of Study’ (without needing to graduate), perhaps you would hold forth for a few minutes (up to two hours would do the trick) on the importance of moral education in contemporary society.
Nid ydym yn sefydliad cyfoethog, gwaetha’r modd, ac felly mae’n ddrwg iawn gennyf na allaf eich talu am eich trafferth, yn enwedig gan fy mod yn gwybod pa mor bwysig ichi yw cael eich arian yn ei ôl ar draul y cyhoedd. Wedi dweud hynny, bydd yn bosibl inni ddarparu tocyn dwyffordd bws i Aber-gennin ichi os teithiwch yn ystod y cyfnod rhataf. Cefnogwr o gludiant cyhoeddus ydych, heb os nac oni bai. Wedyn bydd rhywun yn cwrdd â chi pan gyrhaeddwch. Rwy’n gobeithio y dewch i gymryd rhan. Nid oes rhaid i mi ddweud, bydd gohebydd o’r papur bro yno ar y dydd; rydym yn dwyn mewn cof fod cyhoeddusrwydd o bwys mwyaf i wleidyddion. Rhowch wybod imi ynglŷn â’r trefniadau cyn gynted ag y bo’n gyfleus, os gwelwch yn dda. Ydwyf, Syr (yr hen gono chi!), eich ufudd was, Ffred Phantastig.We are not a wealthy society, more’s the pity, and therefore I am very sorry that I cannot pay you for your trouble, especially as I know how important it is to you to gain reimbursement from the public purse. Having said that, it will be possible for us to provide a return bus ticket to Aber-gennin for you if you travel during the cheapest period. You are a supporter of public transport, no doubt. Then, someone will meet you when you arrive. I hope you will come to take part. I have no need to say, there will be a correspondent from the local paper there on the day; we bear in mind that publicity is of the greatest importance to politicians. Let me know about the arrangements as soon as it may be convenient, if you please. I am, Sir (you old fool), your humble and obedient servant, Ffred Phantastig.
GWNEUD CAIS AM SWYDD: Ar ôl yr holl broblemau pan o’n i’n gweithio fel lladd nadredd i atal ymosodiad gan drychfilod enfawr yng Nghlinig y Pin yn y goedwig ger yr hen Dŷ Glas sawl blwyddyn yn ôl, mae wedi bod yn anodd i fi dal ati gyda swydd barhaol. Ond bryd hyn, prin ydy arian – a phawb drosto'i hunan, ac i'r diawl â'r diwethaf yw dywediad y dydd. Felly, pan ddigwyddais i ddod ar draws yr hysbyseb yn y papur bro am swydd briodol iawn, fe deimlai y dylai wneud cais ar unwaith, a dyma beth sgrifennais i —APPLYING FOR A JOB: After all the problems when I was working like crazy to stop the invasion by giant insects in the Pines Clinic in the woods near the old Bluehouse a few years ago, it’s been hard for me to stick at it with a permanent job. But by now, money’s scarce – and everyone for him/her self, and devil take the hindmost, is the saying of the day. So, when I happened to come across the advertisement in the local paper for a very appropriate job, I felt I should apply at once, and here’s what I wrote —
Annwyl Syr neu Fadam! Rwy wedi gweld yr hysbyseb am y swydd o’r enw ‘Cynorthwyydd Hunanlywodraethol Llawn Amser Canolfan Chwedlonol Brynfelin’ yn y papur bro fis hwn, ac rwy’n awyddus iawn i wneud cais am hon. Nid oedd llawer o fanylion yn yr hysbyseb, felly dymunwn ddweud wrthych rywfaint amdanaf fy hun er mwyn profi fy mod yn addas i wneud y gwaith y bydd rhaid i’w gyflawni o ddydd i ddydd. Rwy’n gweithio gartre ar hyn o bryd fel cyfieithydd rhydd ei law, gan gynhyrchu fersiynau hen lawysgrifau wedi’u hysgrifennu mewn ieithoedd marw fel ‘Y Crochan sy Wastad yn Llawn’ o Bahia, Brasil. Felly gallaf ddechrau ar unwaith. Arferwn weithio fel cemegydd, a deuthum yn arbenigwr hunanaddysgedig pan symudais yn ôl i Gymru, o ganlyniad i’m diddordeb yn chwedlau Teml y Gogoniant Cuddiedig yng Ngwm-ran. Felly mae llawer o brofiad gennyf mewn pethau anarferol.Dear Sir or Madam! I have seen the advertisement for the job of ‘Brynfelin Mythical Centre Full-time Self-managing Assistant’ in the local paper this month, and I am very keen to apply for this. There were not a lot of details in the advertisement, therefore I would like to tell you something about myself in order to prove that I am suitable to do the work that will need to be done from day to day. I work at home at the moment as a freelance translator, producing versions of old manuscripts written in dead languages, such as ‘The Overflowing Pot’ from Bahia, Brazil. So, I can start at once. I used to work as a chemist, and became a self-taught specialist when I moved back to Wales, as a result of my interest in the Temple of the Hidden Glory in Cwm-ran. So, I have a lot of experience in unusual things.
Rwy wedi bod ati’n dysgu’r Gymraeg drwy gydol f’oes, a thybiaf fy mod cyn rhugled a neb arall erbyn hyn. Rwy newydd sefyll yr arholiad priodol i’r cymhwyster o’r enw ‘Diploma mewn Astudiaethau,’ a ddarperir gan Sefydliadau Cyfun Rhydrawnt a Phontychen. Pam na chynigir hwn gan Goleg Cymraeg a Chymreig? Nid myfi a ŵyr. Llwyddais yn orchestol yn y prawf hwn, a nawr gallaf areithio gan ddefnyddio brawddegau erchyll o gymhleth mewn Cymraeg hynafol, fel y rhai a geir yn ‘Cystrawen y Frawddeg Gymraeg’ gan Melville Richards (Gwasg Prifysgol Cymru Caerdydd; 1970).I have been working hard to learn Welsh all my life, and I think that I am as fluent as anyone else by now. I have just sat the exam for the qualification called ‘Diploma in Studies,’ which is provided by the Combined Institutions of Oxbridge and Camford. Why is this not offered by a Welsh-language Welsh College? I do not know. I passed with flying colours in this test, and now I can orate using horrifyingly complex sentences in Ancient Welsh, such as those in ‘Cystrawen y Frawddeg Gymraeg’ by Melville Richards (University of Wales Press Cardiff; 1970).
Byddwn yn falch o gael cyfle i gefnogi’n hiaith, ein diwylliant, ein hanes, ein chwedlau, a’n harferion od yn y Canolfan ac i’w hybu yn y gymuned ehangach y tu hwnt – megis trwy hudoliaeth neu beidio. Mae rhaid imi ddweud fy mod yn hoff iawn o anifeiliaid, yn enwedig cathod, ac os bydd angen gallaf drin â phobl yn dda iawn hefyd, yn ôl fy lletywraig arhosol. Rwy’n berffaith siŵr fod y gwasanaeth cymuned yn yr ysgol i blant unigryw, y bu raid imi ei wneud o ganlyniad i gamgymeriad anffodus yn y gweithle, wedi bod yn ddefnyddiol iawn o safbwynt deall pobl ifanc a hŷn a’u gormodedd o fannau gwan. Ymhellach, rwy wedi dod o hyd i oriau agor y Canolfan yn ystod yr wythnos ar eich gwefan, ac yn wir y credaf mai eithriadol o bwysig ydy presenoldeb ar y rhyngrwyd.I would be pleased to get a chance to support our language, our culture, our history, and our strange customs in the Centre and to promote them in the wider community beyond – as if by magic, or not. I must say that I am very fond of animals, especially cats, and if necessary I can deal with people very well too, according to my permanent lodging-lady. I am perfectly sure that the community service in the school for unique children that I had to do on account of an unfortunate mistake in the workplace, has been very useful from the point of view of understanding people, old and young, and their profusion of foibles. Furthermore, I have found the Centre’s opening times during the week on your website, and indeed I believe that an internet-presence is exceptionally important.
Es i ar gwrs o’r enw Hyfforddiant Cyfathrebu Pwrpasol yn Nheml Heddwch (maent yn dweud ‘y Deml Heddwch,’ ni ddeallaf pam), ym 2014, wedi’i drefnu gan Hub Datblygu Rhyngwladol Cymru. Rwy’n deall cyfathrebu ac offerynnau cyfathrebu, a gallaf ddatblygu cynllun cyfathrebu syml ar gyfer ein Canolfan, gan ddefnyddio meddalwedd ar gyfer gwefannau i gynyddu ein presenoldeb ar y rhyngrwyd am ddim. Ar ben hynny, hoffwn ddefnyddio rhwydweithiau cymdeithasol i weithio’n agos gyda chynulleidfaoedd newydd ac i ennill incwm, gan ddefnyddio’r cyfryngau i hyrwyddo eich gwaith, trwy ysgrifennu straeon addas ar gyfer y newyddion, a thrwy lunio datganiadau i’r wasg.I went on a course called Appropriate Communication Training in the Temple of Peace (they say ‘The Peace Temple,’ I do not understand why), in 2014, organized by the Wales International Development Hub. I understand communication and tools of communication, and can develop a simple communication plan for our Centre, using website software to increase our presence on the internet for free. On top of that, I would like to use social networks to work closely with new audiences and to earn income, using the media to promote our work, by writing stories suitable for the news, and by fashioning press-releases.
Dim ond dau gwestiwn sydd gennyf, sef yn gyntaf, a fydd angen arnaf wneud ceisiadau am gyllid o gwbl? Rwy wedi ennill maint bach oddi wrth Sefydliad Tywysogaidd Cymru yn y gorffennol (enw sydd yn annealladwy i’m hymennydd dryslyd o leiaf, ond dyna ni, nid dim mor rhyfedd â dyn, ife?), er mwyn gwneud arbrofion cemegol ynglŷn â pherffeithio elicsir clirwelediad o fadarch hudol, a thawelydd y bydd milfeddygon yn ei ddefnyddio ar geffylau, gwartheg ac anifeiliaid eraill. Wedi dweud hynny, gwerthfawrogwn hyfforddiant ychwanegol pe bai hwn ar gael.I have only two questions, namely first, will I need to apply for finance at all? I have won a small amount from the Princely Association of Wales in the past (a name which is incomprehensible to my confused mind at least, but there we are, there’s nowt as strange as folk, is there?), in order to do chemical experiments involved in perfecting a potion of second-sight from magic mushrooms, and tranquilizer that veterinaries use for horses, cattle, and other animals. Having said that, I would appreciate additional training if that were available.
Fy ail gwestiwn yw hwn: beth fydd yr amserau cyfatebol dros y Sul? Fe fyddai’n well gennyf weithio ar ddydd Sadwrn nag ar brynhawn Gwener, gan fod angen imi fynychu seremoni yn y Deml bryd hynny, yn fy rôl fel Ceidwad y Cyfrinachau. Gobeithiaf y diwallech fy anghenion arbennig yn hyn o beth. Rwy’n brwd ddisgwyl eich ymateb. Ryw’n edrych ymlaen at ddechrau cyn gynted ag y bo bosibl ac mewn gwirionedd ofnadwy o gyffrous ydwyf. Yr eiddoch yn gywir, Ffred Phantastig.My second question is this: what will be the equivalent hours over the weekend? I would prefer working on Saturday than on Friday afternoon, as I need to attend a ceremony in the Temple at that time, in my role as Keeper of the Secrets. I hope that you could satisfy my special needs in this. I am keenly awaiting your answer. I look forward to beginning as soon as it may be possible and in truth I am terribly excited. Yours faithfully, Ffred Phantastig.
Wel, dyna ni wedi dod i ben ar y sgwrsio unwaith to, bobol bach! Hwyl am y tro, wela i chi i gyd fis nesaf gyda rhagor o ddiwylliant, materion cyfoes, hysbysebion cymunedol ac yn y blaen, ac ati hyd at gyfoedi – a chofiwch, ‘Tyrd, gad im’ dy gythru. Ni’th ddalaf, ond fe’th ddalaf di’n wir.’Well, there we are at the end of our chattering once again, you folks! Bye-bye for now, I’ll see you all again next month with more culture, current affairs, community announcements, and so on and so forth, ad nauseam – and remember, ‘Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still.’

 

Mwy am Patrick / More about Patrick