Patrick Jemmer: Mae Ffred yn Mynd i Siopa / Ffred Goes Shopping

Yn Ffurfiol/Patrick Jemmer

Wel, helo ‘na bawb! Beth am hyn? Nes i sefyll yr arholiad ar ben y Cwrs Sylfaen, ac roedd rhaid i fi siarad yn rhugl am bynciau fel Siopa, Bwyta Mas,  Fy Nheulu, Hobïau a Diddordebau, Fy Swydd Gyntaf, ac yn y blaen. Nes i lawer o waith wrth baratoi, gan gynnwys sgrifennu sgriptiau a’u dysgu nhw i gyd ar gof (wel, rhywbeth fel hynny, o leiaf). Ac rwy’n gallu dweud i fi fwynhau’r rhan hon o’r arholiad. Dyma beth a adroddais ar y dydd, gyda llawer o ddarnau ychwanegol. Mae Ffred Phantastig, sy’n dweud y stori yma, wedi dod yn ffrind mawr i fi erbyn hyn a gobeithio byddwch chi’n clywed mwy amdano yn y dyfodol. Defnyddiol oedd cael hyd i ffordd o fynegi llais doniol ac ysgafngalon. Licwn i sylwi ar arddull y darn, ac yn enwedig ar y sillafu. Fe welwch fy mod wedi sgrifennu fel rwy’n siarad — er enghraifft, “y nhad, yn mam, i ddysglaid o de, sa i, so fe, wi di bod” (“fy nhad, fy mam, ei ddysglaid o de, dwi ddim, dyw e ddim, rwy wedi bod”). A hefyd, nid ydw i wedi defnyddio llawer o gollnodau. Rwy wedi bod yn ystyried hyn yn astud, gan nad oedd arnaf eisiau creu “fforest o sillgollau,” ond eto i gyd ni ddymunwn neud pethau’n rhy anodd, chwaith. Rhaid dweud mod i newydd ddarllen “Un Nos Ola Leuad” ac ynddo lawer o iaith lafar, a thafodiaith, a llif yr ymwybod. Dyma’r llyfr gorau rwy wedi’i ddarllen yn y Gymraeg hyd yn hyn; yr hwn i ryfeddu ato’n llwyr. Dyma ddim ond f’arbrawf i: falle gallech chi ei ddarllen yn uchel er mwyn clywed llais Ffred!

Well, hello, everyone! What about this? I sat the exam at the end of the Sylfaen Course, and we needed to speak fluently about topics such as Shopping, Eating Out, My Family, Hobbies and Interests, My First Job, and so on. I did lots of work preparing, including writing scripts and learning them off by heart (well, something like that at least). And I can say I enjoyed that part of the exam. Here’s what I recited on the day, with lots of additional bits. Ffred Phantastig, who’s telling the story here, has become a great friend to me by now and I hope you’ll hear more about him in the future. It was useful to find a way of expressing a humorous and light-hearted voice. I’d like to comment on the style of the piece, and especially in the spelling. You’ll see that I’ve written like I speak — for example, “y nhad, yn mam, i ddysglaid o de, sa i, so fe, wi di bod” (“fy nhad [my dad], fy mam [my mum], ei ddysglaid o de [his cup of tea], dwi ddim [I don’t], dyw e ddim [he doesn’t], rwy wedi bod [I’ve been]”). And also, I haven’t used lots of apostrophes. I’ve been thinking acutely about this, because I didn’t want to create a “forest of apostrophes,” but then again I didn’t want to make things too difficult, either. It must be said that I’ve just read “Un Nos Ola Leuad,” which has lots of spoken language, and dialect, and stream of consciousness. This is the best book I’ve read in Welsh up to now, and one that’s completely wonderful.This is just my experiment: perhaps you could read it out loud in order to hear Ffred’s voice!

Wel, helo na bawb! Ffred Phantastig sy ma. Wi’n dysgu Cymraeg ers achau erbyn hyn ch’mod, wastad yn dysgu falle. Wi’n dod o Ganolbarth Cymru yn wreiddiol wrth gwrs. Yng Ngheredigion mae’r dre, ar bwys pwynt canolog Cymru yn ôl yr Arolwg Ordnans. Es i i weithio yn rhywle arall yn y pen draw (sa i’n gallu dweud ble, mae’n breifat) fel gwyddonydd. Achan arbennig dw i, ch’wel (fel dywed y nhad), ac o’n i’n arfer neud arbrofion cyn i fi gael tipyn bach o drafferth gyda’r swydd. Wedyn, des i adre i Gymru heulog flynyddoedd yn ôl pan gaeth cydweithiwr ddamwain yn y gweithle, ond ddim fi oedd ar fai, nac achosais i mo’r problemau chwaith. Peth o ddewin yn y labordy gemeg dw i, fe ddweda i wrthoch chi.Well, hello there everybody! It’s Ffred Phantastig here. I’ve been learning Welsh for ages now you know, always learning, perhaps. I come from Mid Wales originally of course, The town is in Ceredigion, near the centre-point of Wales according to the Ordnance Survey. I went to work somewhere else in the end (I can’t say where, it’s private) as a scientist. I’m a special boy you see (as my dad says), and I used to do experiments till I had a bit of trouble with the job. Then I came back to sunny Wales years ago when a co-worker had an accident in the workplace, but I wasn’t to blame, and I didn’t cause the problem either. I’m a bit of a wizard in the chemistry laboratory, I’ll tell you.
O’n i’n ceisio creu “elicsir ieuenctid,” w (wel, hufen harddu ar gyfer plorod a rhychau). Do’n i'n hunan ddim yn cael problem gyda’r dasg, ond oedd yr holl beth yn ofnadw, a dweud y gwir, pan ddes i â nghath ddu lwcus i mewn i’r lab a bwytaodd hi’r stwff yn lle i “Byrbrydau Titw” arferol. Bu bron iddi fynd yn anweladwy, fel ysbryd yn y tarth, mewn ffordd. Gaeth y Doethur da o’r enw Rhisiart Rhuddygl (a chemegydd anghyffredin ydy e hefyd) sioc aruthrol pan glywodd e sŵn rhywbeth na allai fe weld yn canu grwndi ar i ddesg, a thaflodd e i ddysglaid o de mate oer drosti. O, aeth y greadures fach yn wirion bost a neidio i’r pot o gemegion gan oernadu fel cyhyraeth. Aeth yr hylif seimllyd ym mhob man, ymlithrodd Rhisiart, a chwympo ar y nyfyn-ysbryd annwyl, gan regi bob yn ail air fel cwrcyn.I was trying to create an “elixir of life,” mun (well, beauty cream for spots and wrinkles). I myself didn’t have a problem with the task, but the whole thing was awful, to tell the truth, when I brought my lucky black cat into the lab and she ate all the stuff instead of her usual “Kitty Snacks.” She almost went invisible, like a ghost in the mist, in a way. The good Doctor named Richard Radish (who’s an extraordinarily good chemist, too) had a terrible shock when he heard the sound of something unseen purring on his desk, and threw his cup of cold maté tea over her. O, the little creature went bonkers and jumped into the pot of chemicals wailing like a banshee. The slimy liquid went everywhere, Richard slipped, and fell on my dear familiar spirit, swearing like a tom-cat and turning the air blue.
Sa i eisiau sgwrsio amdani, os wi’n hollol onest, mae'n ddigon i hala rhwng tramp a'i gwdyn. Ymhellach, sa i’n gallu siarad amdani, gan fod gorchymyn y llys yn fy ngwahardd i. Digon yw dweud i’r gath oedd wedi’i hanafu ar hap ailfagu blas at fwyd bellach, ond mae Dr Prisiart yn dal i aros oddi ar waith (fe ddwedwn i taw mitiso bant mae e) er i’w asennau ysig wella’n foddhaol o’r diwedd. Ar ôl hynny oedd raid i fi weithio mewn ysgol fel rhan o’r gwasanaeth cymuned, ond oedd yn rhy anodd a ges i broblem enfawr un dydd Sadwrn wedi bwyta cyri eithriadol o boeth y noson gynt (Jiw, wi’n dwlu ar gyri mawlod sbeislyd), ond stori arall yw hynny.I don’t want to chat on about it, if I’m totally honest; it’s enough to upset anyone. And more than that, I can’t talk about it, because the court order prevents me. It’s enough to say that the cat that was injured by accident has got her appetite back now, but Dr Prichard is still staying off work (I’d say that he’s mitching off), although his broken ribs healed satisfactorily in the end. After that, I had to work in a school as part of the community service, but it was too hard and I had an enormous problem one Saturday having eaten an exceptionally hot curry the night before (gosh, I love spicy snail curry), but that’s another story.
Ta be, wi’n byw gartre erbyn hyn ar fy mhen fy hunan yn nhŷ mawr ym Mrynfelin, gyda’n lojar (neu’n “lletywraig” a bod yn posh ac yn fanwl gywir ar yr un pryd) o’r enw Enwen. Mae’n ddiddorol iawn, mae’r enw’n golygu rhywbeth fel y llaeth lled sur sy’n aros yn y fuddai wedi corddi’r ymenyn. Menyw hyfryd yw hi, a’i chroen fel menyn. Wi’n teimlo fel sen i wedi nabod hi ar hyd yn oes, ch’wel. Sdim raid dweud mod i’n gorfod helpu Enwen yn y tŷ, wrth gwrs. So hi’n gofyn i fi neud llawer, achos bod hi’n datgan mod i’n “dderyn,” beth bynnag mae hynny’n olygu. Ond wedyn fe fydd hi’n dweud bod “adar o'r un lliw hedant i'r un lle,” felly bydd popeth yn iawn tra arhosa hi yma yn yn nyth cysurus, sbo.Anyway, I’m living at home now on my own in a big house in Brynfelin, with my lodger (or my “lettinglady” to be posh and totally accurate at the same time) called Enwen. It’s very interesting, the name means something like the rather sour milk that remains in the churn when you’ve churned the butter. She’s a lovely lady, and her skin’s like butter. I feel like I’ve known her all my life. Needless to say I have to help Enwen in the house, of course. She doesn’t ask me to do lots, because she declares that I’m a bit of a “bird,” whatever that means. But then she says that “birds of a feather flock together,” so everything’ll be OK while we stay here in our comfy nest, I s’pose.
Fe fydd hi’n gweiddi arna i dim ond os bachgen dwl fydda i. Hmm, drwy’r amser, te, mae hi’n fishi iawn! Naeth hi weiddi’r dydd o’r blaen pan gollais i’r crwban, a daethon ni o hyd iddo fe yn y peiriant golchi llestri sy’m yn gweithio slawer dydd. Diar, diar, oedd yn ddoniol ac yn drist ar yr un pryd, gan fod e’n trio gaeafgysgu. Oedd e’n lliw chwith erbyn ny, ac mae dal i fod yn wyrdd, er i fi drio beintio fe, ond naeth hynna mo'r tro, sa i’n gwybod pam. Sut bynnag, yn ôl i’r brif stori. Ambell waith, fe fydd angen i fi siopa. O, nefi bliw!She only shouts at me when I’m a silly boy. Hmm, all the time, then, she’s very busy! She shouted at me the other day when I lost the tortoise, and we found him in the dishwasher which hasn’t worked for a long time. Dear, dear, it was funny and sad at the same time, because he was trying to hibernate. He was a funny colour by then and he’s still green, although I tried to paint him, but that didn’t do the trick, I don’t know why. Anyway, back to the main story. Sometimes, I need to go shopping. O, Lordy!
Sa i’n lico siopa o gwbl. Yn wir, wi’n casáu siopa. Wi’n meddwl bod hyn achos bod yn mam yn arfer mynd â fi o gwmpas y ddinas pan o’n i’n ddim o beth. Bob dydd, mae’n debyg, fe fydden ni’n mynd i gannoedd ar gannoedd o siopau. Fe fyddwn i wedi mwynhau chwarae yn y parc sen i wedi gallu. O’n i mor ddiflas â’r peth mwya diflas yn y byd crwn cyfan, credwch chi fi. Oedd yn boeth, ac yn rhy swnllyd yn y siopau, ac oedd gormod o bobl a dim digon o le i symud. O’n i’n ddiawl bach ewn oedd yn sgrechain a llefain, a thrio rhedeg bant. Ww, wi’n teimlo fel ny eto, o bryd i'w gilydd, ond wi di dysgu bod raid i chi wynebu'r canlyniadau pryd bynnag yr â pethau o chwith. A wnelir liw nos a welir liw dydd, meddai y nhad, ac oedd e yn llygad i le yn i farn.I don’t like shopping at all. In fact, I hate shopping. I think that this is because my mum used to take me around the city when I was knee-high to a grasshopper. Every day, it seems, we’d go to hundreds and hundreds of shops. I’d have liked to play in the park if I could have. I was as bored as the most bored thing in the entire world, believe you me. It was hot, and too noisy in the shops, and there were too many people and not enough room to move. I was a cheeky little devil who screamed and cried and tried to run off. Oooh, I still feel like that, from time to time, but I’ve learned that you have to face the music whenever things go wrong. Whatever’s done by night is seen by day, said my dad, and he was quite right.
Unwaith, nes i ddianc, pan doedd mam ddim yn edrych, ac es i yn y lifft, lle nes i wthio i bob botwm. Aeth y lifft yn sownd, ac oedd angen arna i gael yn achub gan ddyn tân. Gŵr mawr cryf oedd e, ac yn gwisgo lifrai hyfryd. Oni bai amdano fe, fe fyddwn i yno o hyd. Wedi ny, oedd raid i fi gael y nghlymu yn dynn i fam gan gordyn, rhag ofn i fi ddianc unwaith to! A hefyd, wi’n dwlu ar ddiffoddwyr tân byth oddi ar hynny. Ac edrychwch arna i nawr, wedi tyfu lan yn ddyn tal, dewr. Falle galla i fod yn ddyn tân ryw ddydd fuan – daw'r dywediad ‘Daw dydd y bydd mawr y rhai bychain” i gof, wi’n meddwl. Fe fydda i’n codi llaw ar bob injan dân bob tro y gwela i un ohonyn nhw’n rhuthro lawr yn stryd ni a’i chorn yn canu’n uchel pan fydda i wedi rhoi’r tŷ ar dân.Once, I escaped, when mum wasn’t looking, and I went in the lift, where I pressed every button. The lift got stuck, and I needed to be rescued by a fireman. He was a big strong man, wearing a lovely uniform. If it wasn’t for him, I would still be there. After that I had to be attached tightly to mum by a cord, in case I escaped again! And also, I’ve loved firefighters ever since then. And look at me now that I’ve grown up into a tall brave man. Perhaps I can be a fireman someday soon – the saying “The day is coming when the little ones will be on top” comes to mind, I think. I wave at every fire engine every time one of them rushes down our street with its siren blaring loudly when I set the house on fire.
Felly, y nghas beth yw siopa, hyd yn oed nawr. Wel, ta beth, wi mewn oed nawr, siŵr iawn, ac weithiau, rhaid i fi fynd i siopa, lico neu beidio. Rhaid i ddyn fwyta, meddan nhw. Bydda i’n trio cynllunio taith i’r siopau pan fydd hi’n dawel, os wi’n gallu, ddim ar fore dydd Sadwrn yn bendant (mae da fi gofion brawychus am ny, ac wi’n deffro o hunllef gan chwythu amdani nawr ac yn y man, ond dyna stori hollol wahanol!). Gwna i restr fanwl o’r holl bethau bydda i eisiau prynu, a gobeithio galla i ddod o hyd i bopeth mewn un siop fawr, mewn archfarchnad, mewn gwirionedd.So, my most hated thing is shopping, even now. Well, anyway, I’m grown up now, sure enough, and sometimes, I must go shopping, like it or not. A man must eat, they say. I try to plan the trip to the shops when it’s quiet, if I can, not on Saturday mornings, definitely (I’ve got terrifying memories about that, and I wake up from a nightmare sweating about it now and then. but that’s a totally different story). I make a detailed list of all the things I want to buy, and hope I can find everything in one big shop, in a supermarket, if truth be told.
Tesbyro yw’r fan lleia drwg i siopa, a’i henw’n golygu “canu grwndi wrth i chi orwedd yng ngwres yr haul,” sa i’n deall pam. Ni waeth befo am ny. Wi’n lico archfarchnadoedd i ryw fesur, ch’wel, achos bod chi’n gallu chwarae gyda’r trolïau, gan sglefrio lan a lawr. Www, crwtyn mawr dw i to! Wel, unwaith yn ddyn, dwywaith yn blentyn yw’r ddihareb, ac wi’n cytuno’n llwyr. Ges i bryd o dafod gan dditectif y siop, unwaith neu ddwy, neu dair, a bod yn onest. Gorau po leia a ddywedir am ny te, ond oedd i lifrai’n ysblennydd. Serch ny, a i o gwmpas y lle uffernol yn yr un drefn bob tro, o'r naill ben i'r llall, cyn gynted â phosib! Ac fe fydda i’n cymryd arna i taw capel bychan ydy, ac yn llawn gwynt arogldarth a symbolau cyfrin.Tesbyro is the least bad place to shop, and its name means “purring while lying in the sun’s warmth,” I don’t understand why. Never mind about that. I like supermarkets to some extent, you see, as you can play with the trolleys, sliding up and down. Oooh, I’m still a big kid! Well, once a man, twice a child is the proverb, and I entirely agree. I had a telling off from the store detective once or twice, or three times, to be honest. Least said about that the better, but his uniform was resplendent. Despite that, I go around the hellish place in the same order every time, from one end to the other, as quickly as possible! And I pretend that it’s a little chapel, full of the aroma of incense and arcane symbols.
Ac wedyn, mynd ati bydda i, wedi’r cwbl, chwery mab noeth, ni chwery mab newynog. Fe ddechreua i gyda ffrwythau a llysiau (madarch a tsilis yn enwedig), wedyn bara, menyn a llaeth, wedyn grawnfwyd, ar ôl ny bwyd mewn tun (heb anghofio saws cyri), a ffynonellau protein fel toffw, cynhyrchion soia, neu fwydydd mycoprotein megis “Quorn.” Fe gwpla i da photeli bychain o gwrw chwerw fel “Paun Gwirion” a bocs o siocledi i Enwen. Ceisia i ddewis bocs sy’n llawn dop o siocledi blasus fel melysion Twrci, am na fydd hi’n bwyta’r un o’r rheiny, felly, galla i’u llowcio nhw i gyd. Fe fyddwn i’n defnyddio’r ddesg dalu helpu'ch hunan pe gallwn i, ond y tro diwetha nes i ny, naeth y peth ffrwydro. Gorfu i ni i gyd symud mas o’r lle tra oedd y dyn tân yn ymchwilio unwaith to – dyw rhai pethau byth yn newid, ydyn nhw?And then I go for it, after all, a naked boy plays but a hungry one doesn’t. I’ll begin with fruit and veg (mushrooms and chillis in particular), then bread, butter, and milk, then cereal, after that tinned food (not forgetting curry sauce), and sources of protein like tofu, soya products, or mycoprotein foods like “Quorn.” I finish with little bottles of bitter beer like “Mad Peacock” and a box of chocolates for Enwen. I try to choose a box that’s fill of tasty chocs like Turkish Delight, because she won’t eat a single one of those, so I can guzzle them all. I would use the self-service check-out desk if I could, but the last time I did that, the thing exploded. We all had to get out of the place while the fireman was investigating again – some things never change, do they?
Ta p’un i, dewisa i’r ciw byrrach, a gwena i ar y cynorthwywyr gwerthu’r un modd bob tro. Fe fyddan nhw’n gwisgo lifreion cywrain, yn y marn i, ond bydd rhai ohonyn nhw’n ddisgyblion chweched dosbarth sy’n cael plorod, trueiniaid bach. Fi sy biau rysáit a allai helpu gyda ny, o’n i’n gweithio arni pan ddaeth yn oes waith ffurfiol i ben ac wi’n deall tipyn bach am fyfyrwyr hefyd wedi gweithio am fis yn yr ysgol gythreulig na. Fe ddwedon nhw wrtha i i bod hi ar agor ar ddydd Sadwrn, ac wedyn, nes i ruthro i mewn ar ôl noson gyri. O dyna resyn o beth, ond gad dy lap achan, fel na fydd rhagor o drafferth a helynt!Whatever, I choose the shortest queue, and I smile at the sales assistant in the same way every time. They wear fine uniforms, in my opinion, and some of them are sixth-form pupils who’ve got spots, poor things. I’ve got a recipe that could help with that, I was working on it when my formal working life ended, and I understand a bit about students too having worked for a month in that infernal school. They told me it opened on Saturdays and then I rushed in after a curry-night. O there’s a shame, but button your lip, lad, so that there’ll be no more upset and anguish!
Licwn i’m gweithio yno (yn yr archfarchnad wrth bob rheswm) ond eto i gyd so fe’n bosib. Sa i’n ddigon clyfar gyda phobl, yn anffodus. Mae’n well da fi gathod na bodau dynol, sdim ots da fi, ond menyw reit sbesial yw Enwen. Felly, dyna sut wi’n mynd i siopa nawr heb ormod o broblem ac o ganlyniad wi wrth yn modd ac mor llawen â'r gog. Ond ar y llaw arall wi’n drist iawn achos mod i ddim wedi gyrru injan dân to – dim ond troli! Gan bwyll gowboi! Www, neno'r daioni, on’d yw'r amser yn mynd heibio'n gyflym! Falle byddwn ni’n sgwrsio cyn bo hir, mae na lawer o straeon eraill da fi. O gyda llaw, o ddifri, ddim yr un anifail gaeth i nafu wrth helpu gyda’r stori ma. Peidiwch â bod yn ddieithr da chi! Pob hwyl am y tro! Ffred.I wouldn’t like to work there (in the supermarket, to be sure) but then again it’s not possible. I’m not clever enough with people, unfortunately. I prefer cats over people, doesn’t bother me, but Enwen’s a real special woman. So, that’s how I go shopping now without too much of a problem, and as a result I’m delighted and as happy as a sandboy. But on the other hand I’m very sad because I haven’t driven a fire engine yet – only a trolley! Steady on cowboy! Ooooh, Good Heavens, doesn’t time fly! Perhaps we can chat again before long, I’ve got lots of other stories. O by the way, seriously, not a single animal was hurt helping with this story. Don’t be a stranger, will you? Cheers for the mo! Ffed.

 

Mwy am Patrick / More about Patrick

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